The Return of the Finger Sniffer

So it seems every semester that I will need to point out the obvious.

People: Don't sniff your fingers.

Here's the scene...

First day of comparative history class....we're in the somewhat dusty musty classroom over in Hardin...the kind that reminds you of a germ incubator. You can feel the germs waltzing around in a slow tango over every surface of the room...the dust fermenting into little infected piles waiting to be inhaled into the highly susceptible membranes. H1N1 is all the rage. This academic season's must have...and the slightest cough sends everyone reaching for their giant bottle of hand sanitizer. So I'm sitting there...watching the professor stagger around the front of the room, drunk off the euphoria of first day jitters and Entirely too much espresso...and he begins to stumble through the role, in true first day fashion...every name butchered...first middle and last. While it is evident that the roster will take some time to conquer-this is definitely not the most opportune time to make an exit for the facilities. Yet...the guy in front of my little wooden desk suddenly vaults towards the door, and sprints through the door for the bathroom. [I wish that I could assure you that 'vault' and 'sprint' were used for the impact of creative imagery...alas...he did indeed vault and sprint...it was Most impressive.] Well-when you gotta go-you gotta go. He stayed in the bathroom for longer than it takes to do the business...even very important business. I thought we were gonna have to send in the rescue squad [go team Jeff].

Now...I have no problem with the obviously urgent exit-HOWEVER...it was the astounding behavior upon re-entry that was disturbing...hence the reason for this rant.

While it is an inopportune moment to suddenly exit mid role call-to return and do the following is most Unnecessary. He staggers back to his desk, makes an unashamed lurch for a large slurpie cup, perched precariously on the edge, and drains it noisily...and then ever so casually SNIFFS HIS FINGERS. And not just the casual "oh, I must still have a bit of strawberry jam under my finger nail from that toast this morning"...but a sniff of such magnitude I was sure he was going to snort the nail off. At this point-I can only piece together the obvious: Boy suddenly sprints for bathroom, Boy spends a long time in bathroom, no sink water was heard from the dangerously close facility, Boy then spends rest of class snorting his own fingers.

Disssss-tuuuuur-Bia.

Now many friends have proffered explanations to as to why his fingers where glued to his nostrils. I'm ready to chalk this one up to life's mysteries best ignored and unsolved.

And just a note to all you other finger sniffers out there: if you want to be taken seriously by the other Homo Sapiens...please remember to complete the sniffage in the confines of your own home. Its not a question of personal freedoms...its a statement of Manners.

Manners: get 'em. use 'em.

your soul will appreciate it.

and so will we.